A few days ago Bren did a post on the face of trauma, that was extremely thought provoking and exceptionally well written. It showed us exactly what trauma may look like, and she showed us that with love, tenderness, mercy and grace how a situation can turn around, with a ton of patience thrown in. I mentioned to Bren in one of our many email exchanges how it had stirred up my thoughts on another topic, and yesterday she asked me where my backbone was and that it was time for me to post about it. So here it is.
That post brought back alot of memories, not of trauma, although I'm sure we can all say that we've dealt with trauma in one way or another, but that of rejection. It's such a harsh word and brings images that certainly doesn't bring a smile to your face, but more of sadness. The dictionary says that rejection means: to refuse to accept, refuse to hear, refuse to receive, to cast off, to spew out. Even those descriptions bring sadness to the reader.
When we think about it, it's amazing how many times we could attest to being in the situation of being rejected. Perhaps it was the "In" group of kids at school, perhaps a boy, the list could be endless. Unfortunately some have experienced rejection from their parents. This wasn't the case for me, my parents loved me, my mum still loves me, and I thank her for the love and security she provided for me in my formative years.
If you're a regular reader of my blog then you may recall a post I did some time ago about my disability. One thing I purposely left out was my ex-husband. Now that's where alot of these past thoughts come flooding back. Can you imagine being married for nearly 20 years, 4 beautiful children, a disability, that didn't effect my health. There were only some things that I could no longer do, running, long walks, playing sports with my kids, just about anything that was physically strenuous. Then all of a sudden out of the blue your husband tells you that if you end up in a wheelchair, he isn't going to stick around to push it? I can tell you that was the end of that marriage, I didn't have to stop and think about it. That inner intuition that we women have, told me it was time to go. Not an easy thing to do with my youngest only 4 and my eldest 15. I can't imagine ever telling my "sweetie" that if he had an illness that needed my regular attention, that he needn't bother counting on me.
If you were to ask me to describe myself, I would say resilient, easy going, generous, loving, forgiving, compassionate and my weakness, easily hurt. I suppose that's what comes from wearing my emotions on my sleeve for everyone to see.
That statement from my ex-husband completely shattered my trust in the person I had spent the last 20 years with, shattered my confidence and my self image. I was a mess to say the least, it was my first taste of true rejection, but I got over it. I am so thankful that my Bible tells me that: But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you, for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in (your) weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!
I'll skip the next couple of years because that was a rebound marriage. It's amazing when someone tells you that your not worthy of loving, how you go looking for love, hence a failed 2nd marriage.
So here I am a single mum of 4 children doing the best I could to work and take care of my children. My eldest, a son, joined the Navy, that was his way of escaping the pain of divorce. My eldest daughter lived with her father, and I had the two younger ones. So not a good situation all round. Fast forward many years to when my eldest daughter was 22 and I had met my "sweetie" and was bringing her the news of my upcoming move to the USA. At this point I should say that my son and 2 youngest daughters were happy that their mum was happy. Emily's exact words to me were, "If you leave I'll hate you forever and will disown you as my mother". Well she was true to her words. Now before anyone makes a judgement, let me tell you, that making the decision to leave 2 of my children and my mum was the most hardest decision I've ever made, but my elder kids were both adults and living in different States and living their own lives. I thought perhaps that she'd get over it and realise that, strange as it may be, but I do have a life too. Selfish of me? maybe.... Did she get over it? No, she still hates me and won't speak to me, but that's ok, I'll still love her regardless of her feelings towards me. Even though she may have rejected me, I'll never reject her, regardless of her choice of lifestyle or career choice, she will always be my daughter. Like Bren , this too is a success story.
Rejection is such a nasty hurtful action that has the power to have long term effects, if you allow it to rule your life, but I take heart in the Word of God, He tells me that, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
How is it a success? I don't allow the words of others to feed my soul, but choose to listen to the still quiet voice of the One who showers me with mercy, grace and never ending love.
Is there some sort of moral here? If there is anything that you take from this, it's the power of the spoken word, The tongue has the power of life and death. Let's choose life.